So guys. The meeting wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. I kept forgetting who I was talking to in the 'formal' sense. I just felt like I was explaining my life to someone who cared, which made things a lot easier. Somehow, I told her things that I didn't even tell you guys. The ideas just came to me while I was there. She took my insecurities like a champ, without even making me feel a little bad about how I felt. Add caffeine to the mix, and I felt very introspective and slightly high from the experience.
I wasn't wanting to leave (for overseas). Amanda encouraged me to think about my reasons for wanting to go abroad, the fact that I felt like I was running away from the things that weren't happening for me here, and to consider why that might not be the best reason to go. She thinks I should try to find something to do overseas that I might actually like to do. What a concept, right? Or I should go somewhere where I can learn things too, like possibly to a Spanish speaking country, where I could take classes to learn the language. Cause really, Spanish would be a huge bonus to me. The dang languages opens doors. Amanda also calmed some of my fears about losing contact with the people that I have gotten to know in the church. I was afraid that she might leave and go to another church, I was afraid that people would move away and I would never see them again. Basically, she reassured me that I wouldn't be forgotten about, that we would keep in contact if I wanted, that I would be supported.
After considering not doing it for a couple hours, I think I still want to do it. I mean, besides HATING to quit something once I have decided on it, I really would like to go on adventure, be challenged and come home changed somewhat. I do NOT want to leave my friends, family and community, but at least I am free to do what I want right now. Plus, my friends? They are all gone (physically speaking) anyway. Now is the time. It's going to be hard, but hopefully great. Right now, I am thinking, "Lets get this thing started." Just don't abandon me, friends.