Thursday, September 27, 2007


What's worse than starting a new job and not knowing how to do anything? Being employed at the same job for a year and a half and still feeling incompetent. Today I was in the Kitchen, and I always feel like a new employee there. I don't know where anything is, I don't know a lot of the procedures for things there, and I am not really close with the other employees. But, for some reason, I am expected to know all of this, because I have done this for 18 months. Nobody seems to remember that it was in a completely different setting, and when there are that many things to memorize their exact location, it takes a long time to remember it all. And I get to remember it all in TWO places, cause I am awesome like that. I probably won't be back to the kitchen for a while because they will need me in Madison. I actually like the pace of Lake Mills, I like that I am not by myself and that there are things to do that aren't exactly the same thing that I did every day before.

I got my hair cut on Monday! I really like it. It's shorter, curly and has new highlights. You'll have to come check it out. Spend some quality time, yo.

That didn't work. I was trying to get over this anxiety from work by talking about my hair. So now, on to relaxation on my bed. Calm....

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Week Eraser

Living weekend to weekend hasn't been that bad so far. Not since sophomore year in high school have I had the pleasure of having weekends free. And then I still had show choir and other commitments that were occasionally on the weekends. These last couple of days has been pretty great. Stress free, relaxing, yet productive. What more can I ask for? Also, both the Badgers and the Packers won, so yay.

I feel much less upset about the friend drama now. Thank you so much. It worried me so much, and I know not everything is worked out, but at least some progress has begun. I know that I can't go back to how things were this last winter, but hopefully things aren't going to be so awkward!

Next Saturday is Cranfest! And I am so excited. I haven't been back in a couple of years, and it's not like its the most exciting thing in the world, but it's something interesting to do near my hometown, and this year, FRIENDS want to come with me. Yay! We are staying at my dad's house, playing games, chilling out and of course going to the 'fest. Friends can meet my voice teacher and see where I come might explain some things. :) sigh. Should be a good time, and I can't wait.

Having fun things to look forward to on the weekend really helps you forget about how boring your week is. And was. It works both ways, it gives me a clean slate to start my Monday with.
Celebrating the weekend (and autumn!),

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Say wa?

So, once again, I don't know what to think or feel. I want to think and feel the RIGHT things, those things that a good person would experience naturally. A person who wouldn't make unreasonable demands or expect more than people should be expected to give.

Can you miss something without ever really having it in the first place? I feel that way about love right now. Could it be that we as people need to be loved so much that one could feel its absence without first experiencing its presence?

Sunday, September 16, 2007


The message in my fortune cookie: "Today is a disastrous day. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em." so true.

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Beginning again

Tonight served mainly as reassurance that things will be alright for me, at least in the short term. The hoofers meeting took longer than usual, but afterwards I felt like I knew something about the club and what was going on. I helped my roommate sign up for the club and answered questions form some newbies. After that died down, we all went up to the terrace and hung out and talked about our summers. Everyone is back, and I am so happy.

Nikita was there, as was Mike, Joel, Kerem (his last meeting before going to Australia), Jack, Thomas, Connie, Doug.... just about everyone, except for the two people I see most often. This in itself, talking to so many people that I have kind of forgotten were there and knew me, just made me feel like I belonged. I know this is probably some sort of survival instinct, but I need to feel like I belong somewhere. With people, welcomed and understood, even a little. Without that, I get to feeling like I am treading water in the middle of the ocean, that belongingness is my raft. It doesn't necessarily need to be hoofers, but that's what's there right now.

I am lucky to have the friends that I do. Some things are weird between some of my friends right now, but they are still my friends, and without them, I would be even crazier than I already am. I want them all to know that I appreciate and love them. Those from my past, whom I cherish from afar, to those I live nearly directly above, I need you and I am glad you are in my life.

Eventhough I am not in school right now, I can feel this 'new-ness' from the start of the school year. It feels good.