Tonight served mainly as reassurance that things will be alright for me, at least in the short term. The hoofers meeting took longer than usual, but afterwards I felt like I knew something about the club and what was going on. I helped my roommate sign up for the club and answered questions form some newbies. After that died down, we all went up to the terrace and hung out and talked about our summers. Everyone is back, and I am so happy.
Nikita was there, as was Mike, Joel, Kerem (his last meeting before going to Australia), Jack, Thomas, Connie, Doug.... just about everyone, except for the two people I see most often. This in itself, talking to so many people that I have kind of forgotten were there and knew me, just made me feel like I belonged. I know this is probably some sort of survival instinct, but I need to feel like I belong somewhere. With people, welcomed and understood, even a little. Without that, I get to feeling like I am treading water in the middle of the ocean, that belongingness is my raft. It doesn't necessarily need to be hoofers, but that's what's there right now.
I am lucky to have the friends that I do. Some things are weird between some of my friends right now, but they are still my friends, and without them, I would be even crazier than I already am. I want them all to know that I appreciate and love them. Those from my past, whom I cherish from afar, to those I live nearly directly above, I need you and I am glad you are in my life.
Eventhough I am not in school right now, I can feel this 'new-ness' from the start of the school year. It feels good.