Tuesday, July 24, 2007

New things and happiness.

Hello friend world!

I am doing well, yourself? There are so many things to talk about! Tomorrow, I am going out to eat with Jacob - our second date! He is quite cute and nice. We are having mexican, but I wanted him to pick the place, so I am not sure where we are going.

I am currently working out 6 days a week! It's going really well and I am feeling great about myself, so that is certainly a good thing. I joined Curves and started running. The best thing is that both of those things are accompanied by friends. So it's almost a social thing for me too, which is awesome and motivating.

Today I really needed someone to talk to me and get me though some fear/anxiety about some personal things, and I found someone that I know I can talk to about anything. Patsy, you are the greatest, seriously. I heart you! Thanks for not making me feel stupid!

The one not so happy thing is that my dad wants to go back to Iraq... I dunno. If that's what he wants to do, is what I always say. I know he is bored and lonely here, so if it will make him feel better, go ahead. Of course, I will worry, but I have this strange, unreasonable faith that he will be fine. He's a strong, smart guy. I dunno.

Anyway, I should head to bed. Workout at 0800.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Looking up

Today I realized that my shoulder felt less like someone was stabbing me with a red hot fire poker every time I moved. So that's an improvement.

I called my job possibility to see if they had made any decisions, and nobody answered... or called me back. I am going with 'no news is good news'. Maybe tomorrow. There's always that.

I ran again today with Patsy. It felt much better than the first time, which I am way happy about. I know, I have only been out twice now, but any kind of positive reward I can get will help me at this point.

Today at work, people wanted chocolate. Inconceivable, right? All. day. long. Sometimes I don't understand WHY I have to help them, besides the whole getting paid thing. The Bourne Identity was good though. I had seen it before, but didn't feel I gave it the attention it needed, so I watched it at work. :) Tomorrow: The Bourne Supremacy. Hey, ya gotta watch them both before The Bourne Ultimatum comes out August 1st! I also don't have to work on Saturday now, so Patsy and I were talking about maybe going hiking... let me know if there is interest! There are new capris to be worn.

I suppose... sleep will be a good thing for tomorrow's 8am workout. I might get up early enough to watch the start of tomorrow's stage in La Tour de France! Night all!

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Not again.

We're at that point again, folks. You know. A couple posts back, when I was freaking out. It's here again, but I have nothing new to say.nothing will end this. It's a good thing I already know how to knit and have gotten over my fear of cats. Looks like that will be my life.

Saturday, July 14, 2007

You know it's summer when....

In the spirit of top fives, I submit:
Top 5 signs its summer:

1. You find yourself simultaneously watching a baseball game while eating a BLT and corn on the cob.

2.Your tan lines reveal what you wear most often, including accessories and shoes.

3. The bottom of your feet resemble sandpaper covered granite

4. Arguments are suddenly about grillables and beer.

5. You can't believe you forgot that the most mesmerizing thing ever is a campfire.

Friday, July 13, 2007


So, I guess that sleeping for 10 hours can help your mood. Now I am off to join an old lady gym and work for 8 hours. yee haw.

Thursday, July 12, 2007


I don't know what just happened, but it did not put me in a good mood. I guess I thought back on my day off, and then my life and it just started to depress me. I mean, damnit... my life is pathetic. I guess I didn't know what life is supposed to look like, but I just seem very needy and on the verge of breakdown. I can't even think about my love life without tears welling and a panicked knot in my chest. I am just so confused about the whole situation. I mean, I understand i am not the most wonderful person in the world, aestetically or in terms of personality, but I am not the bottom of the barrel (can I say that and not be egotistical?). I am actually very afraid. I don't know what to do, I just don't know! Doesn't anyone have answers? I feel lost and alone right now. Because all this time has passed (my whole life) without anyone caring about me or seeing good things in me, I feel like the scum of the earth. I feel like I don't deserve love. I must not, or something good would have happened at some point.

I feel like there is no way out, no way for this to end. I really, truly, might end up alone. Is there anything scarier than that?

Monday, July 9, 2007


I am having an excellent run of life right now! On Thursday, there was a message from Dane County Parent Council saying that they wanted me to come in for an interview and to call them back. So I called them on Friday, and scheduled my interview for today (monday). Then I went away for the weekend. I had a great time with my friends, camping, no less. I was fine and calm and happy and it was good. It was also hot as hell, but we won't dwell on that fact.

My interview went pretty well today, I think. I even told my boss about it, and she took it better than I thought she would. Then she called me back like 10 minutes later to say that she just got a call from DCPC, I guess they were checking my references. Good? Hopefully.

If I got this job, it would mean a $3.60 pay increase, plus full benefits, and 40 hours a week (weekends off!!!). I will keep you 'posted'. he he.

Monday, July 2, 2007

Retail therapy

I spent a large amount of money today!!! But I got some fun stuff. For instance: A tent. The Vector 22 from North Face, for only $259. Ha, only. I also got a Thermarest: for $49, and a stuff sack to put it in for $11. So I spent $335 today, and I liked it.

So I hope I get to go camping this weekend! Sue is going to call if I have to work, but she said she most likely can work for me... totally exciting. I also hope that it is a relaxing, rather than anxiety producing, event. I am going to make my potato salad that I love, and that most other people like too (but patsy won't, not with all that mayo in it). I want to swim and play and relax and have fun, instead of being bored and alone at my stupid job. Only time will tell. :) I am almost tempted to set up my tent in the living room and sleep in it. It might be good practice. Or just a fun time.


I just realized that I probably don't seem happy, but I am. Or maybe the feeling is just relaxed. Whatever, I feel good, and those of you reading this are probably to blame. :)

What is summer? -or- Why do I seem so happy?

So, I couldn't decide what to title this post as, so it is what it is.

On my moped ride home tonight from another awesome dinner with friends, I started thinking about how happy I was (even though I was slightly afraid of being mugged because it was 12:30, and besides the fact that I was FREEZING). It's summer, and it's good. It's a huge surprise actually.

Everything's not perfect, of course, but just knowing that I have friends who want to do things with me, and having fun, and laying in the grass, and watching movies...sigh, it's making me happy. I may have lowered my standards (and added an antidepressant), but if it makes me happy, so what, right? Tonight was the third night in a row that I didn't make it home until after 12:30, even with no responsibilities or real excuses for being up that late, I actually was socializing. Big step.

On to the things that mean summer to me:
  • Corn on the Cob
  • BLTs with fresh ripe tomatoes
  • Potato packets
  • The smell of sunscreen
  • The smell of bug spray
  • Fireflies (or lightning bugs, if you will)

I am so excited that I might get to go camping next weekend! This is a miracle, the fact that I am excited. Litterally a month ago, the mention of camping made me instantly anxious. After laying outside in the grass all day, I think I can handle sleeping in a tent. Which I am going to buy, if Sue says she can work for me on Saturday. :) Here's to hoping she will.