Thursday, July 12, 2007


I don't know what just happened, but it did not put me in a good mood. I guess I thought back on my day off, and then my life and it just started to depress me. I mean, damnit... my life is pathetic. I guess I didn't know what life is supposed to look like, but I just seem very needy and on the verge of breakdown. I can't even think about my love life without tears welling and a panicked knot in my chest. I am just so confused about the whole situation. I mean, I understand i am not the most wonderful person in the world, aestetically or in terms of personality, but I am not the bottom of the barrel (can I say that and not be egotistical?). I am actually very afraid. I don't know what to do, I just don't know! Doesn't anyone have answers? I feel lost and alone right now. Because all this time has passed (my whole life) without anyone caring about me or seeing good things in me, I feel like the scum of the earth. I feel like I don't deserve love. I must not, or something good would have happened at some point.

I feel like there is no way out, no way for this to end. I really, truly, might end up alone. Is there anything scarier than that?

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