Ice on an 80 degree day

Weekend was great. I worked on Sat, then my boss and I drove to Steven's Point-I dropped her off to see her son's basketball game and found Christin! I am so glad that I got to spend some time with her, it's been a long time. Went to a few bars, made fun of the people there, drank some, etc. Went back to Christin's boyfriends house, ate toppers, drove back to Christin's and actually got to sleep in a BED! Drove home in the morning with a sense of utter abandon, I felt like I was free and happier than I have been in quite a while. When I got back to Madison, Theresa, her cousin and I went to the union terrace because it was 78 degrees! You can't pass that up in mid-March. The ice on lake Mendota was not very far off shore, but it definitely got further and further away throughout the afternoon. I read some and burned some, it was absolutely great. I ate dinner with luke-we made chicken fettuccine with marinara sauce and garlic bread. yummy. Luke and I walked the mile or so to Boarders after dinner. He needed to change his schedule for Monday and I wanted to buy a book. When it is that nice out I just want to be outside, so we decided to skip the car. On the way back, we stopped at starbucks and got some iced drinks. Upon arriving home, Theresa and I went to church. Nick sat by us! That was very cool. He hugged me during the 'peace' part. After communion, sometimes they sing a second song without telling us where it is in the book, so I couldn't follow along, but I got to listen. And sometimes music hits me in ways that don't really have to do with my auditory perception. Sometimes I can 'feel' the music, and see it. I want to describe listening to this song as 'a massage for my brain'. It was just really good. I love chords when they hit right and are balanced so that you can hear everything. We then went to Laundry 101 and did a couple of loads, returning home at about midnight.

It was such a great day. I am so grateful for days like that. Yesterday wasn't bad either, I moved my room around a little bit-one of my favorite past times. Crazy, I know.

Back to work, kiddos!

The 'crazy' last few days.

So let me catch you up. Tuesday was a good day. Normal classes, I got my package from my aunt (containing my powercord and my new watch-priceless!). Then it was hoofer time-I love hoofer time. After the (somewhat) unimportant meeting (it being unimportant because I am WAY too busy to go on trips right now) I took part in bood -remember Beverages and fOOD- which was really fun, as usual. AND I didn't have to bum a ride, thank you spring for allowing me to ride my moped! I did freeze my ass off on the scooter though. Then I actually got to sleep before 1:30, which is an improvement.

Wednesday I was an intern, was perscribed Prozac, worked, drank coffee, and 'libraried', in that order. Of course, when I was at work, the first call that came in was from a crotchety old woman calling from East Wash asking how to get to the store. She obviously didn't realize that it is actually quite complicated to get to the store if you don't know what the hell you are doing. So I spent 16 min on the phone with her walking her through the city. I was successful, which just goes to show how much I have driven around this city in the last 3 years. I did it all from memory. Yeah...it's ok to worship my direction-giving talent. lol. And another lady came in... I thought I recognized her. We do have a lot of repeat customers, and sometimes it makes the customer feel special when you remember them, so I asked her why I thought I knew her. Mistake. I found out, I didn't want to know how I knew her. Yes... she was from UHS, and yes, the last time I saw her, she was at the end of a table that had stirrups. Ugh. I wanted to get her out of the store, ASAP. And I was successful at that as well.

Today... has been good. I got sunburned though. 12 minutes in a tanning bed for the first time in a year is too long. It isn't too bad though, just itchy. :) I have an exam in an hour... that i really don't care about. BRING IT ON!

You hate me, don't you?

Why don't you comment me? It's because you hate me... I knew it! sigh. Fine. I hate you too.

SO frustrated!

So yeah... I am not in a good mood. I should be getting stuff done but I have to vent first. #1 I am super irritable and cranky because of the 'scripts I started this week. #2 I drove extremely fast for 2 hours for no reason, trying to accomplish something nice. #3 I left my power cord at my aunts house, so I won't be online anytime soon (I am at the library right now). #4 My roommate has officially turned into one of 'those' people who completely ignores everyone around them once they get into a relationship. For the past month or so, I have been going to church with her because that is the only time that she actually hangs out with me. Yes, I have been using God to stay in touch with my roommate. Today I went to church with my aunt, so I knew that the roommate still needed to go. But when I asked her if I could possibly bother her to accept a ride from me and study afterwards, she initally says yes. But then... oh, 'R' wants to go to church, (and he has a car) thereby completely stripping me of any power that would intice my roommate to spend time with me. Lord knows she won't do it just because she is my friend (apparently). But I still ask if the roommate wants to study after church, and lo and behold... 'no, I probably shouldn't, I have all this stuff' (like to spread out). I know damn well that as soon as R gets back from his weekend trip she is going to go right over there and I won't see her until at least Wednesday. Also, while I am on the subject, it royally pisses me off that she spends at least 5 nights a week over there, she is practically living with him. Which a) is so supposedly morally wrong in her eyes, yet she does it anyway, and b) makes it so that E and I can't lock the door all the way cause we don't know when she is coming back in the morning. UGH!

One very unhappy J.

Admiration.

I have started reading people's blogs-people I don't even know. It's almost like a really slowly progressing movie or a tv show, only I read it instead of watching it. Pretty fun really. Except they blog everyday, which feeds into my addiction to reading them every day. And it makes me wish that I blogged everyday. Do I even have enough stuff to say everyday to blog about? I have no idea, probably not.

Today was a very busy day at work for me. I was there all day, and I got a whole list completed. Impressive, believe me. And I am tired for it too. Luke and I ate at an Indian restaurant afterwards, and it was good. I was up for something different, and that it was. We then watched some of Reno 911 (I am sorry, I tried, but I am just not that big of a fan) and then 'Seven'. That was uber creepy. And now I am here. See? Not too exciting.

I hate working alone. I am definitely a 'team player'. Much more motivated when people are counting on me. Friday should be more fun. I am closing with my boss. This weekend couldn't come fast enough, let me tell you. I am just sooooo done with this crap! Working 25 hours, internship 10 hours, class another 9 hours a week. It will be great when it is done. Yes sir.

Warm weather blues

So, I know that I can be weird sometimes, or most of the time, but this is bothering me. It is wonderful outside, 59 degrees-can you imagine? But for some reason, this fills me with a dread that I can't explain. I love the warm weather, but I think I associate warm weather with impending isolation and abandonment. Every year, for as long as I can remember, I have been bored, alone and restless in the summer, and I can't help but feeling that this summer will be the same. So, my best friend will be living with me, which will be awesome, but that does not stop me from feeling anxiety about it. UGH. It is frustrating. When I think about the summer, I actually find it somewhat harder to breathe, and I kind of want to cry. I know it will be fun, but...
I definitely need to clarify some things that I am worried about, specifically, before I lose all of you.
1. I am afraid that this summer will be a repeat of last year with L. He and I didn't have the best living experience, and I was concerned that my behavior would compromise our friendship. I don't want that to happen with K. We NEED to remain friends, which might involve some sort of baseline conversation.
2. I am afraid of being bored. I don't really understand this fear, besides that being bored causes me great discomfort or anxiety. I don't know how to do nothing, unless I actually HAVE to do something-then I don't want to do it.
3. I don't know what else. It just makes me uneasy-but don't read into this very deeply. It isn't a fear, just.... a preoccupation. or something

Back to studying for my exam that takes place in 90 min. Gross. Also... K poppe says 'Hi' to all the peoples in tv land.

Exams that rock.

So I have been pretty busy as usual. I realized yesterday that on Wednesdays and Fridays, I actually work about 10 hours, and then of course have other stuff to do afterwards, like study for exams. Which is how yesterday went for me. Get up at 7 (read: pretty early for me), get to head start by 8:15, teach kids how to count and write their own name, leave at 1:15. Work by 2pm, push chocolates like its my job till 6. Go home, attempt world record for fastest dinner cooked and consumed without the use of a microwave or IV. Head to library to study for exam. Get home at about 10... waste time online, go to bed.

I learned something last night that would have been of great use to me for the past 3 years. If I leave my computer at home, I can focus, and accomplish things in about 1/3 of the time it takes me with a computer. Its a simple concept really, it shouldn't have taken so long for me to figure it out. my computer is a distraction. A MAJOR distraction. Now... the choice to use this new information for good is mine. I haven't instituted a massive overhaul on how I waste, I mean use, my time yet though. Cause I am sitting in union south, updating my blog.

So anyway. I actually studied for this exam, which is a change from the last exam in this class. I didn't study at all (remember valentines day...it sucked) and I got an 85%. I am happy to report, with 2 hours of studying last night, I am quite sure that I kicked this exam in the ass, big time. Of course it was easy as sin though. In part of it, we had to fill in this diagram full of blank spaces, which I did, and I missed two spots, thinking, shit... what are those? And then I look below the diagram, and lo and behold... the answers are listed-you just have to put them in the right place on the diagram. First... I had no idea exams like this existed in college. Second... hell yes I got all of those answers in the right place. Plus.. ha ha... that diagram was worth 15% of the exam. Sometimes, my life really rocks. The rest of it was pretty easy. Most was multiple choice. I would declare a 'multiple choice exam' major if I could. I love'm.

I have a freaking doctor's appointment at 1pm, a not fun one. So... I am going to go throw this soda away before I down 22oz of liquid and have to pee for the next couple of hours.

Stalemate

I feel a little stuck right now. School should be over, my life should be settled and I should be happy. But all of that must wait, probably until at least May. Right now, graduation can't come fast enough. I am not involved in 'school' anymore. Everything that I like about being in college doesn't have to do with being a student. Drinking isn't interesting, really, just expensive and fattening. Studying has never been enjoyable. I just don't feel like doing it anymore. I love this city, I love my job, my friends and hoofers, but school can bite me.

So.. stuck is the word I would use to describe where I am right now. I need 9 credits to graduate, including 3 as an internship, 3 for 'Couple Relationships' (which is an irritating class), and 3 for another random class. I am taking 12 credits to stay full time for insurance purposes-the least amount I have ever taken in a semester, but it sucks still! Working an average of 25 hours a week doesn't help, but that's not the root of the problem.

Everyone I know in this situation feels quite similarly. We don't know what happens after May, but this fact bothers some more than others and people deal with it in different ways. I seem to be more of a 'must solve' kind of person, while others are in denial or physically showing symptoms of stress. We will get through. One day at a time, I guess.

Welcome to College!

So I know that I have been a student for almost four whole years now, but.... I might just be hitting my stride tonight. Without further ado.... This is what I had for dinner:

2 bowls of couscous (one seasoned with chili powder, one with garlic)
3 pieces of french toast with a glass of milk
Half a bottle of red wine

Calorie rich? Check.
Completely random? Double check.

am I loving it? Yes sir.

Have a good week everyone. I'll be seein ya. (ok, so I am a little toasted. geez.)

Welcome Myspace Converts...or perverts, whichever. lol

• Hello world! Just kidding. I am sure there are less people who read this blog than I have fingers.

• Anyway. I know I just posted two days ago, but... really a lot happened since then. After I posted on Tuesday, I got a bad headache and was super tired. Probably from that relaxing massage. Anyway, I didn't want to go to class, but I did. It was boring and I was irritable the whole time. After class, I saw that I had a voicemail from my boss, asking me if I could help her close, cause she really wanted to get out of work at 6, when we actually close. So I went in to work for an hour and a half. That was actually very enjoyable, because I seriously love my boss, and I hadn't seen her since Valentine's Day (which was not very fun, a day I have already started to repress). Plus, an hour and a half at work, come on. That is nothing. I might as well make $15 instead of eating ice cream cake with Ross. No offense to ross, but.... 300 calories....$15.... which one is more appealing in the long term. Anyway. That was the last good thing to happen until 11pm last night, when I finally went to sleep after being awake for 40 hours. Yes, 40 hours. That total makes me think: Could I possibly WORK for 40 hours straight? Get a whole weeks worth of wages in a day and a half? That would be pretty sweet.

• So what was I doing, you ask? Well, let me get back to after work. I left late, went back TWICE because I forgot important things, like...$3 for the parking meter so I could drive to my next class, and my freaking KEYS to drive to my next class... When I got to the parking ramp under the building where my class is, of course it is reserved for special events parking and would cost me $5. That's 2 bucks more than I have. So I am pissed and frustrated (remember that I forgot shit all day, was irritable to begin with, etc.) and almost started crying and thought about giving up and going home. But then I thought I should at least look at the meters next to the Union. I found one, so I decided not to throw in the towel just yet. I got to class 5 min late, but I was there. In the front row, litterally like 3 feet from the professor. And then I proceeded to fight sleep for an hour and 15 min. I think I actually did fall asleep once. By then I am starving! So I plan on getting something quick at the union before the hoofers meeting (cause I have my ID that works as a debit card of sorts at UW eateries, but no cash for food after the meeting with my friends). That takes freaking at least 10 min, and by the time that I run downstairs to get to the meeting that normally lasts till about 8, it is over, and none of my future roommates are there. I am trying to become friends with them, that's why I care about that. I did see Nikita, Mike, Joel and Karem, so that was nice. Then I went home to do homework. Which I did none of. I wanted to go to bed early (like 11), I mean, I was tired at noon, I was really tired by then. But I lay down at 12 and I was about to go to sleep, when my ill friend K calls and asks me to take her to the emergency room. Because I am not evil, I take her, and we are there till 5:45 (and I was not sleeping more than 2 min in the hard wooden chairs they had in her room), and then we go and get her prescriptions filled, and I return home at about 6:30am. I took a shower, ate breakfast (included in the meal was 20 oz of coffee), and go to my internship. And then to work. And then I ate dinner, and went to 'little children' with luke. AND THEN I went to bed. 24 hours after I planned.

• Today has been fine so far. Lets keep it up!