Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Warm weather blues

So, I know that I can be weird sometimes, or most of the time, but this is bothering me. It is wonderful outside, 59 degrees-can you imagine? But for some reason, this fills me with a dread that I can't explain. I love the warm weather, but I think I associate warm weather with impending isolation and abandonment. Every year, for as long as I can remember, I have been bored, alone and restless in the summer, and I can't help but feeling that this summer will be the same. So, my best friend will be living with me, which will be awesome, but that does not stop me from feeling anxiety about it. UGH. It is frustrating. When I think about the summer, I actually find it somewhat harder to breathe, and I kind of want to cry. I know it will be fun, but...
I definitely need to clarify some things that I am worried about, specifically, before I lose all of you.
1. I am afraid that this summer will be a repeat of last year with L. He and I didn't have the best living experience, and I was concerned that my behavior would compromise our friendship. I don't want that to happen with K. We NEED to remain friends, which might involve some sort of baseline conversation.
2. I am afraid of being bored. I don't really understand this fear, besides that being bored causes me great discomfort or anxiety. I don't know how to do nothing, unless I actually HAVE to do something-then I don't want to do it.
3. I don't know what else. It just makes me uneasy-but don't read into this very deeply. It isn't a fear, just.... a preoccupation. or something

Back to studying for my exam that takes place in 90 min. Gross. Also... K poppe says 'Hi' to all the peoples in tv land.

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