It's 4pm, class got over an hour ago. I don't want to go home, because its like 85 degrees and just disgusting in my house. Here at school it's air conditioned but my work is frustrating me. I am hungry but it's too early for dinner. I don't have any available friends to distract me. It's a bad place to be in.
All of what I am feeling is such a contrast to what I was feeling over the weekend. Chicago was really great. My anxiety was low or non existent the whole time, I actually felt glee for a while. Most of the time, I felt competent, relaxed, and confident. Right now, I feel like I don't know what I am doing, that I am incapable of teaching and coming up with ideas to do every single day. I am worried that my classmates actually don't like me - that last week was just completely different. If you can't tell, I also am having great difficulty expressing myself. Maybe blogging isn't the best thing for me right now, considering. At least it provides a reason for me to sit here and waste time in the cool air.
I hope this is hormonal and that it ends soon.
Last night something crazy happened. Really crazy. 1:45am. I hear a loud BANG! It only half wakes me up, but then there was a second sound. I rolled over, and turned on my lamp. When I look toward where I thought I heard the sound, I see my dresser has fallen forward onto my floor. I got up, walked over to my dresser, it's drawers all half pulled out and holding up the main body. I almost couldn't comprehend what I was looking at, so I just stood over the mess, looking down on it. After a minute, I realized I should set my dresser back up, because the way it was laying was putting stress on the slats between the drawers. I manage to push the big part of it back up so that it is standing. It's back legs were then resting on something, so I have pull that stuff out to get it to stay standing. The books that were on the floor were under the dresser before, I put them there to even out the incredibly crooked floor, but now they were making it so that the dresser wanted to fall forward again. After I got it to stand up and be pretty steady, I surveyed the damage. Two of the lower slats are broken, so the drawers won't go back in where they belong, so I tried to stack them on the floor. This is when you can tell that I had just woken up because everyone knows that dresser drawers don't stack, they just can't with the way they are shaped. So I semi stacked them, went to the bathroom and went back to bed, slightly freaked out that my dresser would fall over by itself, while I am sleeping.
Maybe I am in a bad mood because I didn't get much sleep last night and started my day frustrated. Maybe this is residual frustration. I shouldn't focus on it, I guess. I will try to post pictures of the trip soon. I have some good ones.