Sunday, July 6, 2008

Mixed up!

AH! I don't know what to think or how to feel. So many things feel like they are spinning me around and making me think and changing my emotions.

Wedding: Beautiful, awesome, fun time. Cried more in public than I ever have, probably. Exhausted me physically and emotionally for a while, but I think I am back.

Post Wedding: Visited my Aunt Karen in the Appleton area. That was fun, but.... I was hung over and exhausted, like I said above. It was still good to see her.

Working: I couldn't care less about my job right now. I forget I have one even. At work, I knit (I am knitting a baby blanket for my big sister!), do 'homework' (wait for it), read, and hang out online. I don't even really care if I get caught right now. I would get three extra days off and lose a recommendation, boo hoo.

Home: I was home from Wednesday night through this morning. Saw mom's house progressing, got eaten alive by mosquitoes (I spelled that right on the first try!), saw two sets of fireworks without having too much anxiety and played some games with the family. I LOVE games. Fyi.

Church: sigh. Just got back from an 'outing'. We (the 2nd service group) visited Blackhawk church here in Madison. I was seriously unimpressed. I mean, it was an impressive place, but everything I like about my church was missing in this one. It was like we were in an auditorium. It was hokey. I dunno. It just made me queasy. Afterwards we went to Pasqual's on Monroe. Shared a margarita with Amanda and.... well, she would have been cut off if we were to continue, I believe. But, to her credit, they were strong margaritas. And then I rode 1.5 blocks home with her. Cause I could. In that amount of time, we talked about my leaving (ack!) and about going out with Greg. She said that she would push me to try a little harder if I weren't leaving. Do you people see how good this place and these people are for me? This is what I need, someone who cares enough to push me to do things that scare me. Example: first roller coaster ride - I needed to be forced to get on, then I cried all the way to the top, but realized that I loved it by the time it was over.

Why did I find this little niche of Madison with only 8 months before I left? Why couldn't I have found it, oh, I dunno, FOUR YEARS AGO?! Dang that's frustrating.

New topic. I have tomorrow off and nothing to do. What to do, what to do? I will probably knit knit knit, and think think think. Recipe for disaster? we will see.


hautepocket said...

Right now I'm trying to figure out if I believe you should stay in Madison, or go abroad. I guess it doesn't really matter considering you've already made a decision, but I do see values in both options. Just different ones.

staticmonkey said...

i think it would be a benefit to go for what it's worth. you have your core friends and some really awesome sounding new-ish friends who are rooting for you and will be available for 'friending' while you are gone and when you come back. a trip abroad will change nothing except your perceptions.