Running was my ultimate least favorite thing to do when I was younger. I would have rather lost an arm than run the mile in gym class. That whole day (the 'mile' day) was completely ruined. I ended up with a headache from over-exertion, I was completely sweaty for the rest of the day (hey, nobody showered), but I was overjoyed that, because it was over, it meant one less time that I would ever have to run it again.
Turn the clock ahead 4 years. I became friends with someone I shall name.....Rita. Rita used to run in cross country and track in high school and loved it. The thought of such a thing just made me wince when she would talk about it. When I first started to hang out with her, she was preparing herself for an impending knee surgery (the cause of which was incredibly shocking) but didn't want to quit running for enjoyment. Shudder. A while after the surgery, we started running together, she played the role of invalid, whilst I made a splendid lardass. We started out at running 2 minutes, walking 8 for thirty minutes total. Each week we added a minute to the run for each segment, until we finally ran for a full thirty minutes. Granted, we only did the thirty minute run once. But still. It was like 2.4 miles.
Today I pretend to like running. I believe myself wholeheartedly after I am done running, or while I am telling people how far I ran today. I am not sure if I actually like it while I am doing it though. It's like.... cleaning your really dirty bathroom. Or donating to a charity. You really don't want to do it at the time, but you know it is the 'right' thing to do and you will feel better afterwards. It's pretty much exactly as the saying, 'Like pulling teeth'.
Hopefully I can change this sentiment. Motivation for post-running euphoria doesn't last too much while actually running.
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Much better than 'Hello'
"It's a great thing to wake up and see a face as pretty as yours." Thats the first thing my grandpa said to me this afternoon. He can't hardly speak, but when he does request things or reply to questions, it always includes a please, thank you, ma'am or sir. God, I hope I can be polite and passing out compliments on my death bed.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Home again
Looks like I am going home tomorrow, but not under good circumstances. My grandpa has been moved to hospice care, and I guess that means that he will have less than a week to live. From the urgency in my mom's voice, they don't really think he will live through tomorrow. This is very sad.
My grandpa is a great man. Ever since I was little, he treated me like a princess. Every time I saw him he gave me a couple dollars for 'ice cream' until I was older, then it was more like 5 or 10 for gas. He called me Charlie and loved to talk about sports or politics - basically anything. He used to do this thing where he clapped his hands together and then rubbed them together really fast - it sounded like sand paper - at the end he would smack his lips together and say 'ah!' and laugh. I only have good memories about my grandpa. These next couple days are going to be hard for me - to see him dying and the rest of my family in sadness.
About a week ago, my dad visited him in the hospital before he came down to see me and again my grandpa gave him a Five to give to me, apparently for ice cream. I am not sure I will ever spend that bill.
My grandpa is a great man. Ever since I was little, he treated me like a princess. Every time I saw him he gave me a couple dollars for 'ice cream' until I was older, then it was more like 5 or 10 for gas. He called me Charlie and loved to talk about sports or politics - basically anything. He used to do this thing where he clapped his hands together and then rubbed them together really fast - it sounded like sand paper - at the end he would smack his lips together and say 'ah!' and laugh. I only have good memories about my grandpa. These next couple days are going to be hard for me - to see him dying and the rest of my family in sadness.
About a week ago, my dad visited him in the hospital before he came down to see me and again my grandpa gave him a Five to give to me, apparently for ice cream. I am not sure I will ever spend that bill.
Goals
All I keep telling myself is, 'you've just gotta make it through this week'. For waiting at the end of this week is something so glorious and so wonderful it makes my mouth water like a steaming pile of perfectly prepared crab rangoon. oh yum. You see, I have two full days off at the end of this week. In a row, no less. Yours Truly is going to sleep in at least once in the next week, something that hasn't happened for at least a month now. The thought of it is so exciting, I am afraid I won't be able to sleep long enough to be considered 'late'. How counter productive.
There are many more goals to consider at the present. Break out the bullets!
There are many more goals to consider at the present. Break out the bullets!
- I will not eat lunch until noon.
- I will not eat a chocolate during work today.
- Will use the word 'whirlwind' at least twice in the next 24 hours. I love that word.
- I will refrain from losing my mind at either job today.
- Get a little, but probably a lot drunk this weekend with Luke.
- Running 5k without stopping, preferably in 30 minutes or less.
- Fitting into a $200 bridesmaids dress at the end of June.
Monday, May 19, 2008
Attempt Zwei
I've decided that this weekend contained too much to write about all in one post. It could be done, but do you really want to spend the next 20 minutes reading about how busy my weekend was? No? I was really hoping you would say yes. But alas, I will only regale you with my Sunday.
Saturday night was Luke's 21st birthday party (among other things, but, you wanted to stick to Sunday, didn't you?) So I didn't get to bed quite as early as I had hoped, but it was still decent. Sunday morning went as usual, choir rehearsal and everything was normal. Except that I was more nervous than I have been since high school, probably. I hide my nervousness as well as an elephant hides his trunk, so I got a lot of, 'you'll be fine's and 'its going to be great's and hugs and sympathetic looks all morning. The telling of the story was... really I don't know. Everyone said I did a great job, but all I remember is shaking, talking and not being able to think straight. I remember only looking at two people the whole time, my dad and Amanda. I didn't stare at them so I guess I blocked most of that part of the morning out. After I finish and was walking down the couple steps between the chancel and the floor, I slipped. I didn't fall, just kind of slid down the stair and threw my arms up to catch myself. Embarrassing, none the less. I don't think anyone laughed though...What happened next was the greatest thing.
Before I go on to tell about the rest of the service, let me tell you this. I know fairly well that I am incapable of expressing how I really felt or all that went on. Read this and imagine more happiness, gratitude, chaos, and confusion than is explicitly conveyed below.
Amanda called the three other new members up to the front and read us questions that we were to answer "I will" to. And we did, of course. After that, we read something out of the bulletin together - she shared with me and Greg (the guy to my right). Then there was the laying on of hands with a prayer by Amanda. She talked about how grateful she was to have us there and how wonderful we were, etc. And she started crying. Big, important point. Crying...really? Over me (and some other people...but me)? We all got hugs then, from the whole congregation, tons and tons of hugs. I could see how this could seem creepy, really I do. But I already had met about half of these people, and all of them were lovely and kind. I felt so special and loved and welcomed, it was a great experience, besides being confused about what I should be doing, and worried that I was doing something wrong (but when is that ever not clouding my thoughts?) I must have been high after that. I kept trying to skip around in heels (note: this is difficult) I walked my dad through the receiving line and he started crying when he talked to Amanda too. I couldn't get enough hugs. I swear I hugged over 50 people yesterday, and it was great. Some people are huggers, and I am one of them, but I'm always lacking that physical contact.
Sunday morning was a crazy confused mix of emotions...Fear and nervousness turning to joy and excitement.
If I haven't conveyed how nervous I was throughout that speech/story thing, maybe this will help: I had to stop in the middle of this post because my stomach hurt so much from the nerves that it caused just thinking about it.
Saturday night was Luke's 21st birthday party (among other things, but, you wanted to stick to Sunday, didn't you?) So I didn't get to bed quite as early as I had hoped, but it was still decent. Sunday morning went as usual, choir rehearsal and everything was normal. Except that I was more nervous than I have been since high school, probably. I hide my nervousness as well as an elephant hides his trunk, so I got a lot of, 'you'll be fine's and 'its going to be great's and hugs and sympathetic looks all morning. The telling of the story was... really I don't know. Everyone said I did a great job, but all I remember is shaking, talking and not being able to think straight. I remember only looking at two people the whole time, my dad and Amanda. I didn't stare at them so I guess I blocked most of that part of the morning out. After I finish and was walking down the couple steps between the chancel and the floor, I slipped. I didn't fall, just kind of slid down the stair and threw my arms up to catch myself. Embarrassing, none the less. I don't think anyone laughed though...What happened next was the greatest thing.
Before I go on to tell about the rest of the service, let me tell you this. I know fairly well that I am incapable of expressing how I really felt or all that went on. Read this and imagine more happiness, gratitude, chaos, and confusion than is explicitly conveyed below.
Amanda called the three other new members up to the front and read us questions that we were to answer "I will" to. And we did, of course. After that, we read something out of the bulletin together - she shared with me and Greg (the guy to my right). Then there was the laying on of hands with a prayer by Amanda. She talked about how grateful she was to have us there and how wonderful we were, etc. And she started crying. Big, important point. Crying...really? Over me (and some other people...but me)? We all got hugs then, from the whole congregation, tons and tons of hugs. I could see how this could seem creepy, really I do. But I already had met about half of these people, and all of them were lovely and kind. I felt so special and loved and welcomed, it was a great experience, besides being confused about what I should be doing, and worried that I was doing something wrong (but when is that ever not clouding my thoughts?) I must have been high after that. I kept trying to skip around in heels (note: this is difficult) I walked my dad through the receiving line and he started crying when he talked to Amanda too. I couldn't get enough hugs. I swear I hugged over 50 people yesterday, and it was great. Some people are huggers, and I am one of them, but I'm always lacking that physical contact.
Sunday morning was a crazy confused mix of emotions...Fear and nervousness turning to joy and excitement.
If I haven't conveyed how nervous I was throughout that speech/story thing, maybe this will help: I had to stop in the middle of this post because my stomach hurt so much from the nerves that it caused just thinking about it.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Maybe tomorrow
Being busy with almost too many activities has it's advantages. You get to meet lots of people, learn new things, and stave off boredom. Apparently it's great for distracting yourself from underlying problems. As soon as I got a couple hours to myself, I immediately felt like I was a giant loser with no friends and no life. Sigh. Of course this is false, kind of.
Ok, I thought I could write about this now, but I am just too exhausted. maybe tomorrow.
Ok, I thought I could write about this now, but I am just too exhausted. maybe tomorrow.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Bubbles: The great equalizer
Can you imagine being paid $8.40 an hour to play with bubbles? In sunshiny, 70 degree weather with elementary school kids? That's what I got to do today. Bubbles are great. I had forgotten that truth until today. They are iridescent, clear, flying orbs that tingle on your face when you pop them with your nose. ahhh. They also taste like poo. horrible. Anyway, for the hour or so I was outside, everyone and their grandma spent time remarking about the bubbles, or running around popping them, or crying cause I wouldn't let them play with them. (HEY! It's not my rule. If they got hurt....somehow.... blowing bubbles....yeah. Well, we could be sued if the impossible happened)
I ran tonight as well. It felt very very good today. And! I beat my last recorded mile and half time by a minute and thirty seconds! Ok, so I just looked it up and it was only a mile and a third. BUT, I still beat my best by that much, cause it was the same route I was one before. Woo.
I think I am going to cave and make the 'speech' on Sunday. After thinking about it for 24 hours, I think I could handle it. Sigh. Why can't i just wait to make big deals out of things? Guess I just need a day to think things through.
I ran tonight as well. It felt very very good today. And! I beat my last recorded mile and half time by a minute and thirty seconds! Ok, so I just looked it up and it was only a mile and a third. BUT, I still beat my best by that much, cause it was the same route I was one before. Woo.
I think I am going to cave and make the 'speech' on Sunday. After thinking about it for 24 hours, I think I could handle it. Sigh. Why can't i just wait to make big deals out of things? Guess I just need a day to think things through.
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