Tough

So, they really did leave. This morning was not easy. Well, the doughnut eating part was easy, and the laughing, that was easy too. But the hugging, crying, end-of-denial reality in the cold, pre-dawn parking lot of Lane's Bakery, that was hard.

This next part might be weird, so you are warned.

When things that I either really enjoyed or really looked forward to end, I always get this feeling of emptiness, almost a mild despair. It's the same type of feeling I get when someone dies. And everything I do is reflected back upon 'before or after' such and such. Like when I got back from my sisters, I didn't want to take a shower or do my laundry really, because then I am taking one more step away from being there. I can say, 'the conditioner that is in my hair came from my sister's house.' 'The last food I ate was from Georgia'. And then it seems like I am still kind of there, the 'good time' is still going on. Well, that's how I am feeling right now with the cadwells being gone. ok, I am going to level with you. I am not worried about not being friends with Brian and Patsy. I think we will stay friends. I am most sad about Maddy though. She is a sweety, and I will miss her.. .or do miss her already. And I am sad that she will forget about me and not know who I am, etc. AH! I started to do laundry today and as I was pulling jeans out of the hamper, I was thinking...'I probably played with Maddy wearing these jeans last'. Washing them felt like washing the last playtime with her out of my life. God, I am a putz. And a GIANT sentimentalist. What can I say.

Don't worry, they didn't die.

But they still deserve a memorial. Bye Brian, Patsy and Maddy.

A true horoscope

The horoscope on my google homepage was very true today:

There may be too much happening now within your own mind. Additionally, there may be very real issues that you want to process in the outer world. As your day unfolds, you could discover that you have more happening than you can effectively handle. Remember, the next few days can be super busy, so conserve your energy and make it last.

Taking the advice of a dear friend, I think I am going to try to shut my mind off. I might have a beer first.

Adulthood? No!

So, I might actually be an adult. Two things in the last 24 hours have made me think I might be ready for 'the real world'.

1. I pulled out my own sliver. I have never done this before, so it seems like a milestone. But, I did shriek 'ew ew ew ew ew!' while doing it, so it only half counts

2. I turned down my sister's invitation to EUROPE because I don't have the money or time. What a lame sounding excuse. Perfect adulthood proving example. But it is true. The cost of that trip is THREE TIMES what I have in my savings at present.

Starting to face it,
Jen

Ten Days

It is 10 days until Brian and Patsy move away from me forever! :( Well, at least until I have the courage and financial ability to join them. What did we do on day 10 0f the countdown? Cleared the basement. I will for sure be sore tomorrow from this effort. We also faced reality for about 10 minutes, ate mexican food and watched Patsy, age 11 on stage as a tap dancing caterpillar. It was a good day.

I heart.

I heart my friends and getting gifts, and giving gifts. Also, I am drunk. and going to bed. he he.

Christmas is coming!

Here is my tree. It looks small and harmless, but watch out. It could kick your butt if it wanted to. And yes, that sweatshirt that I am wearing was purchased in 1998.

For added kick, here is a picture of Maddy loving on her favorite aunt!

Holy Crap it's December!

Wow. We got a ton of snow today! A lot. And then some ice and rain. It was a nice, wintery day. I picked mom up in Sauk City and we went to Target, Kohl's, Grocery shopping and walked around on Monroe street. Then we made a table runner, cooked a roast for most of the house, and I put up the Christmas tree! Pictures to come later.

I better go, Mom wants to sleep.