Thursday, December 20, 2007

Tough

So, they really did leave. This morning was not easy. Well, the doughnut eating part was easy, and the laughing, that was easy too. But the hugging, crying, end-of-denial reality in the cold, pre-dawn parking lot of Lane's Bakery, that was hard.

This next part might be weird, so you are warned.

When things that I either really enjoyed or really looked forward to end, I always get this feeling of emptiness, almost a mild despair. It's the same type of feeling I get when someone dies. And everything I do is reflected back upon 'before or after' such and such. Like when I got back from my sisters, I didn't want to take a shower or do my laundry really, because then I am taking one more step away from being there. I can say, 'the conditioner that is in my hair came from my sister's house.' 'The last food I ate was from Georgia'. And then it seems like I am still kind of there, the 'good time' is still going on. Well, that's how I am feeling right now with the cadwells being gone. ok, I am going to level with you. I am not worried about not being friends with Brian and Patsy. I think we will stay friends. I am most sad about Maddy though. She is a sweety, and I will miss her.. .or do miss her already. And I am sad that she will forget about me and not know who I am, etc. AH! I started to do laundry today and as I was pulling jeans out of the hamper, I was thinking...'I probably played with Maddy wearing these jeans last'. Washing them felt like washing the last playtime with her out of my life. God, I am a putz. And a GIANT sentimentalist. What can I say.

3 comments:

Patsy said...

She won't forget you....she is too smart for that! (and we won't either).

Karlie said...

I worry about the same thing with Moe and Ari being at my parents house...but then I remember how excited they were to see me when I saw them last. There is a reason they have the nickname "Man's best friend". :)

Urn said...

Maddy won't forget you... we'll talk to her all the time about her auntie Jen.

Besides, Kat and I haven't forgotten you! It's been weeks, and I'm not any smarter than a dog. :P