Tough

So, they really did leave. This morning was not easy. Well, the doughnut eating part was easy, and the laughing, that was easy too. But the hugging, crying, end-of-denial reality in the cold, pre-dawn parking lot of Lane's Bakery, that was hard.

This next part might be weird, so you are warned.

When things that I either really enjoyed or really looked forward to end, I always get this feeling of emptiness, almost a mild despair. It's the same type of feeling I get when someone dies. And everything I do is reflected back upon 'before or after' such and such. Like when I got back from my sisters, I didn't want to take a shower or do my laundry really, because then I am taking one more step away from being there. I can say, 'the conditioner that is in my hair came from my sister's house.' 'The last food I ate was from Georgia'. And then it seems like I am still kind of there, the 'good time' is still going on. Well, that's how I am feeling right now with the cadwells being gone. ok, I am going to level with you. I am not worried about not being friends with Brian and Patsy. I think we will stay friends. I am most sad about Maddy though. She is a sweety, and I will miss her.. .or do miss her already. And I am sad that she will forget about me and not know who I am, etc. AH! I started to do laundry today and as I was pulling jeans out of the hamper, I was thinking...'I probably played with Maddy wearing these jeans last'. Washing them felt like washing the last playtime with her out of my life. God, I am a putz. And a GIANT sentimentalist. What can I say.