What's worse than starting a new job and not knowing how to do anything? Being employed at the same job for a year and a half and still feeling incompetent. Today I was in the Kitchen, and I always feel like a new employee there. I don't know where anything is, I don't know a lot of the procedures for things there, and I am not really close with the other employees. But, for some reason, I am expected to know all of this, because I have done this for 18 months. Nobody seems to remember that it was in a completely different setting, and when there are that many things to memorize their exact location, it takes a long time to remember it all. And I get to remember it all in TWO places, cause I am awesome like that. I probably won't be back to the kitchen for a while because they will need me in Madison. I actually like the pace of Lake Mills, I like that I am not by myself and that there are things to do that aren't exactly the same thing that I did every day before.
I got my hair cut on Monday! I really like it. It's shorter, curly and has new highlights. You'll have to come check it out. Spend some quality time, yo.
That didn't work. I was trying to get over this anxiety from work by talking about my hair. So now, on to relaxation on my bed. Calm....
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Week Eraser
Living weekend to weekend hasn't been that bad so far. Not since sophomore year in high school have I had the pleasure of having weekends free. And then I still had show choir and other commitments that were occasionally on the weekends. These last couple of days has been pretty great. Stress free, relaxing, yet productive. What more can I ask for? Also, both the Badgers and the Packers won, so yay.
I feel much less upset about the friend drama now. Thank you so much. It worried me so much, and I know not everything is worked out, but at least some progress has begun. I know that I can't go back to how things were this last winter, but hopefully things aren't going to be so awkward!
Next Saturday is Cranfest! And I am so excited. I haven't been back in a couple of years, and it's not like its the most exciting thing in the world, but it's something interesting to do near my hometown, and this year, FRIENDS want to come with me. Yay! We are staying at my dad's house, playing games, chilling out and of course going to the 'fest. Friends can meet my voice teacher and see where I come from...it might explain some things. :) sigh. Should be a good time, and I can't wait.
Having fun things to look forward to on the weekend really helps you forget about how boring your week is. And was. It works both ways, it gives me a clean slate to start my Monday with.
Celebrating the weekend (and autumn!),
Jen
I feel much less upset about the friend drama now. Thank you so much. It worried me so much, and I know not everything is worked out, but at least some progress has begun. I know that I can't go back to how things were this last winter, but hopefully things aren't going to be so awkward!
Next Saturday is Cranfest! And I am so excited. I haven't been back in a couple of years, and it's not like its the most exciting thing in the world, but it's something interesting to do near my hometown, and this year, FRIENDS want to come with me. Yay! We are staying at my dad's house, playing games, chilling out and of course going to the 'fest. Friends can meet my voice teacher and see where I come from...it might explain some things. :) sigh. Should be a good time, and I can't wait.
Having fun things to look forward to on the weekend really helps you forget about how boring your week is. And was. It works both ways, it gives me a clean slate to start my Monday with.
Celebrating the weekend (and autumn!),
Jen
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Say wa?
So, once again, I don't know what to think or feel. I want to think and feel the RIGHT things, those things that a good person would experience naturally. A person who wouldn't make unreasonable demands or expect more than people should be expected to give.
Can you miss something without ever really having it in the first place? I feel that way about love right now. Could it be that we as people need to be loved so much that one could feel its absence without first experiencing its presence?
Can you miss something without ever really having it in the first place? I feel that way about love right now. Could it be that we as people need to be loved so much that one could feel its absence without first experiencing its presence?
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Fortune
The message in my fortune cookie: "Today is a disastrous day. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em." so true.
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
Beginning again
Tonight served mainly as reassurance that things will be alright for me, at least in the short term. The hoofers meeting took longer than usual, but afterwards I felt like I knew something about the club and what was going on. I helped my roommate sign up for the club and answered questions form some newbies. After that died down, we all went up to the terrace and hung out and talked about our summers. Everyone is back, and I am so happy.
Nikita was there, as was Mike, Joel, Kerem (his last meeting before going to Australia), Jack, Thomas, Connie, Doug.... just about everyone, except for the two people I see most often. This in itself, talking to so many people that I have kind of forgotten were there and knew me, just made me feel like I belonged. I know this is probably some sort of survival instinct, but I need to feel like I belong somewhere. With people, welcomed and understood, even a little. Without that, I get to feeling like I am treading water in the middle of the ocean, that belongingness is my raft. It doesn't necessarily need to be hoofers, but that's what's there right now.
I am lucky to have the friends that I do. Some things are weird between some of my friends right now, but they are still my friends, and without them, I would be even crazier than I already am. I want them all to know that I appreciate and love them. Those from my past, whom I cherish from afar, to those I live nearly directly above, I need you and I am glad you are in my life.
Eventhough I am not in school right now, I can feel this 'new-ness' from the start of the school year. It feels good.
Nikita was there, as was Mike, Joel, Kerem (his last meeting before going to Australia), Jack, Thomas, Connie, Doug.... just about everyone, except for the two people I see most often. This in itself, talking to so many people that I have kind of forgotten were there and knew me, just made me feel like I belonged. I know this is probably some sort of survival instinct, but I need to feel like I belong somewhere. With people, welcomed and understood, even a little. Without that, I get to feeling like I am treading water in the middle of the ocean, that belongingness is my raft. It doesn't necessarily need to be hoofers, but that's what's there right now.
I am lucky to have the friends that I do. Some things are weird between some of my friends right now, but they are still my friends, and without them, I would be even crazier than I already am. I want them all to know that I appreciate and love them. Those from my past, whom I cherish from afar, to those I live nearly directly above, I need you and I am glad you are in my life.
Eventhough I am not in school right now, I can feel this 'new-ness' from the start of the school year. It feels good.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Hot in....
It is so hot in here! I can't wait for the weather to break so that I won't be miserable in my 'own' house. That might be nice. Living in a sauna is never a good choice.
Brian and Patsy are back! And life resumes a semblance of normalcy. I am sad that Maddy won't be keeping me company anymore, but I am glad that I won't be up at 6:30 tomorrow morning either.
Just this week it dawned on me that I HAVE to work to live. That I actually can't just take off work whenever I wanted to, because I NEED the money. Ugh. This is not a good realization, but one that should have been made... oh I dunno, like 7 years ago. Have you noticed the extent of my skills in denial? I am a genius. So I told The Boss (not bruce springsteen) that I wanted to work 40 hours a week. GROSS. I don't really want to work 40 hours a week. Not at all. But such is life. I was getting super depressed about it though, feeling like I was a failure, especially listening to my roommates talk about their education and what they want to be. I don't even know if I want to use my degree. But, after a while I decided that I can always go back to school... and that I really might want to in Seattle. It would give me some sort of purpose there, and a way to meet people. So we'll see. And I am not so sad about it right now, so that's a good thing.
There was probably more I wanted to write about, but... I think I will sleep instead. Night.
Brian and Patsy are back! And life resumes a semblance of normalcy. I am sad that Maddy won't be keeping me company anymore, but I am glad that I won't be up at 6:30 tomorrow morning either.
Just this week it dawned on me that I HAVE to work to live. That I actually can't just take off work whenever I wanted to, because I NEED the money. Ugh. This is not a good realization, but one that should have been made... oh I dunno, like 7 years ago. Have you noticed the extent of my skills in denial? I am a genius. So I told The Boss (not bruce springsteen) that I wanted to work 40 hours a week. GROSS. I don't really want to work 40 hours a week. Not at all. But such is life. I was getting super depressed about it though, feeling like I was a failure, especially listening to my roommates talk about their education and what they want to be. I don't even know if I want to use my degree. But, after a while I decided that I can always go back to school... and that I really might want to in Seattle. It would give me some sort of purpose there, and a way to meet people. So we'll see. And I am not so sad about it right now, so that's a good thing.
There was probably more I wanted to write about, but... I think I will sleep instead. Night.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
It's a hard knock life
I am perpetually pooped! These last two weeks have been pretty hard. Moving is 'over' now, thank god! I mean, all of our stuff is on the property somewhere, so the furthest we would have to haul it is a couple hundred feet. Sure, our house still looks generally like crap, but at least it is filled with our stuff. I am basically done painting my room, except for some trim work and touch ups. All of my big stuff is moved into my room too, so I am on the downward slope of this whole task.
Oh goodness, I just realized that my shoulder didn't hurt this morning when I woke up... or I don't remember it hurting anyway. That is both great and amazing, considering all I have been doing over the last couple weeks has been tough for my shoulder.
Maddy comes today to stay for the week! I am both excited and a little bit nervous about it. I hope everything goes smoothly, because we have a lot of work to be done here still and I have to work all week. I am sure everything will be fine, she is a fun pup, and it's only a week. Plus Andrea said she would help, so it isn't all on my shoulders.
Anyway, I should get back to my room, to painting... I should try to finish that before the puppy comes I guess.
Oh goodness, I just realized that my shoulder didn't hurt this morning when I woke up... or I don't remember it hurting anyway. That is both great and amazing, considering all I have been doing over the last couple weeks has been tough for my shoulder.
Maddy comes today to stay for the week! I am both excited and a little bit nervous about it. I hope everything goes smoothly, because we have a lot of work to be done here still and I have to work all week. I am sure everything will be fine, she is a fun pup, and it's only a week. Plus Andrea said she would help, so it isn't all on my shoulders.
Anyway, I should get back to my room, to painting... I should try to finish that before the puppy comes I guess.
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