The Rubber Room

The Rubber Room

I'll betcha didn't know about this, unless you listen to This American Life. It's nuts.

Much better.

I am in a great mood, but again, for no real reason. I ran again today, same route as before. I did this route on monday too, but it suuuuuuucked then. Today was much better. It felt GOOD! weird.

Getting excited about the coming days. Tomorrow I am going to a yoga class that is held in the basement of my church. I have heard good things about the instructor, so i will check it out. I could use all the exercise I can find. And free? Yes please.

For no reason

Everything is good, fine, dandy. But I just don't feel great.

I was accepted to the Midwest Teacher Training Program! I will be there from July 14th through August 15th, after which, I have no idea where I will be. That could be where my anxiety is coming from. Now that I know what I will be doing in my very near future, I don't know where I will be after that. And people keep reminding me, asking me where I want to go. I don't know! I won't know until August! Anyway.

Match.com has finally found my credit card. sigh. I already canceled, so I've got 20 days to find the love of my life, goddamnit.

Rewind my life to Sunday morning. I found myself sitting in a choir robe and giving out chocolates in front of the congregation. I actually had a little reflective moment during the service. How in the world did I go from not stepping in a church for almost a year to this in only three months?! I have no idea. But, I do know that belonging to something is really great. (cue Cheers theme song) Knowing that people know you and are counting on you is a big motivation.
As is just being a part of something bigger than yourself. And sure, I guess I mean God and religion, but also just some sort organization. It makes me feel needed and important. But rushing into this whole thing has made me feel kind of phony.

I also feel fat and ugly, but that's beside the point.

To Depersonalize

Hey kids! I got an email today from Nablopomo saying that the theme for April will be LETTERS. This can be the actual alphabet or letters to people or to myself or to the editor or whatever. I think this sounds like a great time, so hopefully it can be incorporated in April.

Today was Maundy Thursday. This, from what I gathered from the service without asking direct questions, marks the anniversary of the Last Supper. We sang, and it was glorious. Not that we were amazing sounding, but I got into that zone.... I actually looked up and made eye contact and really just enjoyed singing. The chords resonated in my head, and I was lost in the music. It was kind of a shocker to hear it end and have it be absolutely silent. You don't really applaud church choirs, so that is a little different.

Anyway, its late, must watch six feet and sleep. Love to all.

Weak week

So far, this week has been pretty stupid. I mean, it's cold and rainy, I have to work like a person with a job, everyone is gone due to what is commonly known as 'spring break' (whatever the fuck that is), and more recent events have made all of this even worse. My 87 year old Grandpa is now in the hospital, initially due to pneumonia, but now he has had a heart attack on top of this, after being admitted. My dad is coming home from Iraq tomorrow to be with him, which doesn't bode well in my book. Ugh. I can't even make any of this sound witty or entertaining. Lame. I might have to go up to the Appleton area this weekend, and not to sound selfish, but this is my first three day weekend, like, EVER. I was not hoping to spend it in a hospital. To add to the sadness that is this post. Here is a picture of me and my grandma and grandpa.

Running

I ran today, for the third time this spring. If you care to find out where/how far I ran, I am going to try to add the map from mapmyrun.com. Lets see if it works.

Up Yours

Ok, guys. You all are making me feel like I need to step up a bit and actually write well. Well, ya know what?! I won't do it. Nope. I will keep my standards low just to surprise you when I have profound thoughts and succeed in expressing them with finesse.

You, unfortunate souls will have to keep up your 'good writing' otherwise people will be let down. ha ha. I mean, it's not funny. I feel for you. *snicker*

To jump

So….I have turned in my application to the Madison Teacher Training Program, payed the $200, written the two essays, and submitted them. The ball is rolling toward my living abroad sometime later in the year. Unfortunately, I have had these feelings that I am making this decision too quickly, or that it is too big of a move to make. I am actually worried that good things might happen that will make me want to stay here. What if I finally get into a good relationship with a guy? What if I get too attached to my church (it could happen, I get attached to many, many things.) What if I am offered a job that I would have to turn down to use the opportunity I will have worked and paid for?

I can't live my life hoping that something will come up and make me happy where I am though, so I am just going to keep moving this forward. I want to Jump.

Mario

So, I had a pretty good weekend. Of course, I had to work on Saturday. I was excited to finally just go home after work and not do anything, just veg out. After getting home and eating, it took about 10 minutes before I was all, 'I'm bored'. So I convinced my friend that she should meet me for a drink before her 9pm date. We got to the Great Dane Pub at 7:15 or so, sat down at the bar and had a beer. I took the time to look around, and ohmygosh.... this place was crawling with good looking guys standing alone or with other guys. It just dawned on me that I might have thought that many of them were gay, but that didn't cross my hormone soaked mind. Anyway, after a few minutes we met this group of 3 guys in their late twenties. I actually remember their names too, which is remarkable. But it doesn't matter. I spent about 10 minutes talking with the most attractive guy, when the word 'wife' bit me in the ear and a wedding ring began glowing in my periphery. DAMN. Move on, buddy. Then a guy came up next to me to get a drink, so I smiled at him and started talking. Now, if you know me at all, this is not how I normally am. I was not myself on Saturday. Well... I was an ideal version of myself. I was on my game! Anyway, The Guy I Talked To's name is Mario. For real. Anyway. He is tall, kinda lanky, cute, dark hair, dark brown eyes, an accountant....Italian heritage, loves good food. He asked for my number too. This is after we left the Great Dane and went to Opis Lounge and he ordered crustini and a shrimp cocktail. The crustini was a good bread (you know my definition of good bread, right?) sliced up with goat cheese and calamata olives on it. DELISH!

Anyway, that's my story about Mario. We will see how this develops, unless it has already reached it's peak. I will keep you in the loop.

And we have liftoff!

I booked a flight today, do do do! I am finally going to see the Pacific Ocean!! And Brian, Patsy, and MADDY!!! Yes, the dog does get more exclamation points than the ocean. And all caps. So, that small change in my itinerary is complete...I will be leaving on April 9th and returning on April 14th. A short jaunt to the northwest is in store for this chick, and she couldn't be more excited.

The one in which I apply

And I did it. I applied. Payed my $200 (non refundable application deposit), filled out the form, hit submit-twice- and ta da! I am an applicant to another school. I still have to write two, very dumb, essays, but I have those outlined too. So I will write those soon and submit them. I am surprised with myself, and this sudden change in my official status in the world is exciting. I am actually going to try and do this.

I ran today. And it was challenging in more ways that one. First, I haven't been running since probably October or November, so my body was like... wait a min, you want to do what?! Oh, that. Maybe, we'll see. And because it's March, in Wisconsin, the sidewalks were a lovely mixture of ice and water. Sometimes a combination of both (or either in an extreme fashion) was bad enough for me to have to turn around and backtrack, find an alternate route around or walk slowly through it.

Church went well. I was invited to join the choir. This makes me excited and embarrassed. I am afraid people will go, 'hey, why's that new girl up in the choir already?' or, to maintain consistency in what I assume people are thinking about me, 'who does she think she is?'. That might sound stupid, but I don't want it to seem like I am jumping in and should be... allowed(?) to do all the things that the people who have been there forever are doing. Oh, whatever. I know I am over-thinking it. The choir has more men than women, and only one soprano. I was practically begged by the director (who is maybe two years older than me) to join them next Sunday, just because of my sex and voice part. I hope I can still sing soprano. Wouldn't that be the pitts? Oh, I probably can, I just need a little vocal stretching.

Overall, a productive, positive day. Go me.

oops

Honest mistake boys and girls. I missed a trip in there somewhere, mostly because I expect it to happen before summer, so I didn't think about it initially. So... Hopefully in April (eek, only a month away!) I should be going to the great state of Washington to visit a long lost best friend. I didn't mean to leave this out. I might have to start selling my body to do it, but it will happen. It will.